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MATTHEW, THE CYNICAL TEENAGER POST NO. 1

DAY 1, I guess. Sunday 14th October 2018

Hello, if you’ve gotten this far, your in for a bit of fun ;)My job here today is to

1. Introduce myself

2. Inform you miserable readers why your life sucks, why all our lives suck, and what to do about it, for today anyway.

3. And to lay out to you all how I’m going to present my wonderful, chock full of shit stories, experiences and anecdotes, and to show just how we can learn from them. (Keep reading, I need attention)

  • So let’s start on this shit fest journey by introducing myself. My name’s Matthew  and I’m a pretty self-centered, immature 14 year old from a country that never stops raining, loves drinking itself to death and is never short of crap politicians, dark clouds, Bono and leprechauns.
  • (The last one does not exist)
  • Oh yes, now on to why our lives all suck. We have responsibilities, kids (well not me, you idiot), taxes, death, relationships, finite resources of toilet paper, school, rent, security issues, anxiety, and insecurities along with all the other heaping piles of crap we endure each day in our insignificant unimportant lives.
  • We all want to stuff our faces in Kim Kardashian’s tits, have coffee with Nelson Mandela ( great guy), get that job promotion, have a nice wife, model kids and to live in  a condo with 5 beds in the center of a utopian city. But most of us can’t, because well, Nelson Mandela’s dead, Kim’s inplants fell out this morning  and your boss is an invertebrate mass of solidified piss. Possibly aswell my friend, your wife is having an affair with Gary from the HR department (the guy that always steals your lunch).
  • So what have we gathered so far?
  • Yes, our lives do suck.
  • Shit goes wrong
  • Life’s a perpetual cycle of downfalls and setback, misfortunes and nights of missed sleep. ( you know your taking advice from a kid, right ? )

So, what can we do about it? THIS IS WHAT I DID IN 3 MONTHS

step 1: I WENT TO THE GYM, GOT RIPPED

  • step 2: I GOT UP OFF MY ASS AND STARTED A BUSINESS, I NOW MAKE 13056.89 $ EVERY.SINGLE.DAY.
  • step 3: like Mark Whalberg, MY RUOTINE STARTS AT 4 AM. IM NOW A BILLIONAIRE

Yeah, Life’s full of shit like get awesome fast courses, get a bigger dick pill, get ripped in 14 minutes, become a new you in 6 seconds. It’s all crap. So let’s be realistic about how we can improve our livelihoods, not our manhoods…….

So what can we actually do about it? Here comes  the bit without the use of language and sexual puns. (The sensible part).

Basically, this first post is to show how our lives are a mess, and that to move on and not get eaten up by the world we need to accept it. We all will have problems, it is absolutely inevitable, but our goal is to progress to better problems. Through smashing boundaries, fixing issues and progressing, we gain happiness, after all that’s what we’re seeking isn’t it?

I will post funny and engaging content, that through our friendship will help us both trudge through the shit that manifests itself in our lives. It will be cynical stories and experiences I will share, that hopefully you the person reading this can relate to.

See you soon, sincerely, a teenager who needs to get out more.